What have I done?

I know I’m not the only one who uses the iPad as a weapon. I’m not proud of it. I am but a woman.  When I’m making the dinner, tidying up, trying to have a waz it buys me a bit of peace ? 

Nina is quicker on it than me. I’ll give it to her and before she’s even got it out of my hands she can be looking at YouTube for kids. 

She usually watches the same crap every time. Unboxing. Where the woman doing the unboxing makes you feel totally inferior as she explains every little thing and tells your child that everything is ‘super cool’. 

4 little monkeys jumping on the bed – this usually results in her jumping up and down next to Bobbi’s head. Which is nice. 

I’ve seen her watching someone with a German accent, dressed up as Spider-Man, talking about a dolls house – now that’s random.

So the other week we were chilling out, having a bit of screen time (shoot me) and she was watching a video (do they even call them videos anymore?) of a dolly that wees and poos. Amazing I thought. I shall buy her one.

We’re not particularly flush at the moment with me on smp, so after drawing a blank at a Google search, I turned to eBay.

Baby alive popped up, looked amazing. Just the thing I was looking for. It talks, drinks, eats, wees and poos – happy days. 

They were all ending on £60+ – they must be brilliant! I can’t afford that though so I watched one going for £20. Popped a bid on for £30 and waited for the auction to end – as you do. 

After bidding, Dan lost his job. Fuck. I could really do without spending £30 on a doll that shits itself right now. 

BOOM. I won it.

‘Oh well’, I thought. Nina will love it, and I can get loads of accessories to go with it. Aces. 

I paid for the doll and eagerly awaited its delivery.

It arrived, I unboxed it like a fucking pro. Explained every little detail and feature. We named her ‘Louise that pee’s’.

She loved it.

I was happy.

It took about half an hour for the doll to remove my will to live. The motors are REALLY loud, it looks like Chucky and YOU CANT TURN THE FUCKING THING OFF. 

Seriously. It just goes. And goes. And goes ? 

Louise that pee’s needs to go. She needs to go asap.

Can she have just ‘been here on holiday?’

Do I get rid and say no more about it?

Do I just take the batteries out?

What.have.I.done? 

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