Things you’ll gain as a mother…

Becoming a mum comes with so many things that you just don’t consider – they never register as even being issues until BAM! They are.

Here’s just a few things you’ll gain…

1. More time awake – Just what you need. This is great because you can now catch up on those old episodes of ‘Monkey’ you’ve been missing out on, or sit on Facebook moaning about how you’re getting no sleep – with other sleepless zombies in the middle of the night/start of your day.

2. Considerably less sex – Even if you can actually muster up the energy to go for it then great – If kid(s) don’t interrupt you’ll still be listening out just in case they try to sneak up on you like little ninjas ??

3. No alone time – You will have an audience for a poo and someone will yell and throw toys at you while you shower.

4. Anxiety – if you dare to leave the child(ren) with anyone, you will probably have your phone physically glued to your hand just in case, while you try to relax – but actually you’ll be as tense as a tense thing thinking that either something horrible has happened, or the babysitter is being tormented to the brink of insanity by your little whirlwind(s).

5. Weight – If you’re anything like me you’ll gain a shit tonne. Pregnancy turns me into a complete sloth and I feel like I’m going to physically stop living if I don’t eat every ten minutes. It’s easier to gain than to lose.

6. Patience – This is absolutely vital and can be found and lost 10 times in half an hour.

7. Early mornings – lots of them.

8. Cat like reflexes – kids drop everything. You’ll be able to dive across the room like something out of the Matrix to catch a cup of juice before it hits the ground ??

9. Relationship changes – Your partner will become more important – and more irritating at the same time.

10. Stomach of steel – you’ll deal with all bodily secretions as if it ain’t no thing.

11. Toys – millions of them. They’ll take over your house and you won’t even remember where they’re from.

12. Conversation – you will always have something to talk about – as your child(ren) will constantly do stupid stuff ??

13. Hugs -You’ll get many, many more than you ever have in your life, but they’ll be at really inconvenient times, like when your picking the toddlers peas up off the floor – they’ll randomly pounce on your back and garrotte you.

14. Excuses – To be late. You’ll always be late as you’ll have been negotiating with your child AGAIN about why it’s a good idea to wear shoes. Or clothes at all.

15. Laughter – because children are hilarious.

You’ll be acquainted with a degree of exhaustion that you never thought possible and a strong appreciation for coffee – and booze ??

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