I have two children whom I love dearly. They are clever, beautiful, funny and although we agonised for a long, long time over whether to have children in the first place I now can’t imagine life without them .
I also can’t imagine having another one – ever – here’s just a few reasons why…
1. None to one is hard, one to two is nails – two to three and beyond – the stuff my nightmares would be made of if I ever got any sleep.
2. The MOUNTAIN of washing I have to attempt to clean, dry, fold and put away does not need to grow – I’m already doing a GREAT job failing to keep up.
3. When shit gets real and they both kick off at the same time I only have two arms and one body. Sometimes one of them has to be temporarily abandoned. Having a third would not help this situation.
4. It would ruin the ‘Your one/my one’ policy that me and my husband operate. Being outnumbered by children is a terrifying thought.
5. Any more children would help elevate my car and house to ‘skip status’. Kids are messy little swamp dwellers.
6. The logistical crisis that is childcare. The oldest will be starting school next year and the youngest will still be in nursery – no way to I need a third place to be before work.
7. I do not enjoy sleep deprivation.
8. Holidays because a. They’re priced to suit families of four and b. A whole week with my husband and two kids is exhausting – adding another would be just like torture.
9. Getting nice, focused pictures of the kids without someone gurning or walking off is nigh on impossible already.
10. The oldest one attempts to murder the youngest one daily – the two of them joining their evil forces in a tag-team against a smaller, weaker sibling would give me a very nervous disposition.
11. At some point in the not too distant future I’ll be able to stop wiping arses – this will be a magical day indeed as I do not enjoy dealing with shitastrophies.
12. I’m holding on to my Sanity by a thread already. A thread.
13. Giving birth is really painful. I know – shocker – although I felt like superwoman after having my babies I have precicely zero desire to push any more human beings into the world. Enough damage has been done already.
So there you have it. I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a book than have another one. Two kids fighting over toys and cuddles is plenty for me.