When I found out I was expecting Bobbi, I joined a birth board on Facebook – Earlier this month I engaged in a meet up with my online Mummy friends in Nottingham.
Having two kids and not much time to myself, when I was invited on a girls weekend with a load of ‘strangers’ I’ve spent the last two years getting to know, I had to go for it.
After driving the 1.5 hour journey on my own as I have an irrational fear of trains. Fucking hate the things – awful they are – plus I can sing as loud as I like in the car and be heard by no-one – unless I accidentally call someone by accident and they hear me randomly wallering out Beyonce whilst navigating some place I’ve never been in my life – the fear is real.
I got to the hotel an hour before I could check in – it was glorious! The peace – oh the peace!
Once we had all met up and dropped stuff off at our rooms we trotted off out for afternoon tea (safe in the knowledge that none of us were actually octegenarians called Brian).
I was affronted by the strangeness of the trams. I was not expecting them – weird, gigantic, collosal, metal snakes roaming the streets of central Nottingham.
Apparently almost everyone else came from a bigger, better place than I, as I haven’t seen trams in my adult life! I was like a massive tourist with eyes on stalks saying ‘wow, what are these mystical beasts?’ Audibly – making myself sound like a massive twat.
We rocked up at ‘The Pudding Pantry’ for Afternoon Tea and some of us ripped in to the prosecco. We were ready for it. The feeling of freedom urged some of us to neck it straight from the bottle – I knew we’d be great mates at this stage.
It was hotter than hell in there so we left and headed over to the ‘Pit and Pendulum’ – I loved this place – as we walked in they were playing ‘Less Than Jake’ – my kind of music, so I tried not to dance around like a fool to it as we found what I like to call ‘The Gimp Room’ to sit in. I’d never seen anything like it.
After a quick drink, we headed back to our hotel (Roomzzz) to get ready, where I discovered that I have precisely zero clue how to dress my ‘post two babies in two years’ body, and need a MAJOR overhaul due to the joys of Diastasis recti.
While the younger ones took ages to get ready, It took me precisely 7 minutes before I was drinking a Guinness – fit to hit Nottingham.
After chatting and taking the obligatory selfies, we headed out to Some cocktail bar (I can’t recall it’s name) – the slowest Cocktail bar in the world where it takes a year to get served. Everything looked as though it came in shot form and I’m a boring bastard that drinks stout or bitter so I didn’t bother.
We headed over to ‘All Bar One’ to be met with people sat at our “Reserved table” (one of the girls won a competition as they obvs knew we’d spend a fortune) – they were quickly moved on – which was massively awkward, but most of us were glad of the seat – I’d worn Converse as I’m clueless and comfortable.
Things were going well until it got a bit lairy and I accidentally spilled my drink in someone’s bra – soz – it was a genuine accident – I just really liked that song ?
I was the first person to flake at midnight as I was knackered from a 5am wake up call from the girls and the dog, so I walked back to the hotel alone – I won’t lie – it was a bit scary.
I had the sat nav on my phone but the place was alien to me. I did consider jumping in the fountain or mounting a gigantic concrete lion – but we were warned earlier that this would result in a night in the cells – could’ve done it and saved the hotel fee.
In summary – I loved meeting all of my lovely ‘Bumps to babies’ friends and was hugely relived that none of them were actually beardy weirdy axe murderers.