10k in 10 Weeks – Week 1 weigh in.

Well what can I say? This morning I did the week one weigh in and it’s not good news. By some kind of ridiculous injustice I’ve gained 2lbs even though no chocolate or biscuits have passed my lips since I started this.

I’m blaming my children, who are actively trying to destroy me.

I think I’d’ve done ok had I been allowed to enjoy more than three consecutive hours sleep but NO! They wouldn’t bloody well let me. Being awake for approximately 20 hours per day is not conducive to a successful healthy eating plan.

All of Bobbi’s teeth are attempting to erupt simultaneously and Nina is being a complete shit in a bid to ignite some burst of energy and attention from me that I’m frankly incapable of this week. I have all the energy of the soggy bog roll used to wipe away the tears of my failure.

Not only have I failed in the #fitnessgubbins this week – I’ve failed at being a mother too with a short fuse and non existent attention span, having mainly sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself, blankly staring in to space, trying to figure out why I was such an arsehole in a previous life.

I did manage to muster up the energy to go to the gym once (although I was completely under-prepared – forgetting take a towel or a drink) I exercised for 40 minutes non stop and didn’t physically die. I also wasn’t left feeling like a complete monster by all the tiny makeup experts with fabulous hair that were positively glowing on the cross trainer – but that could have something to do with the fact that I couldn’t fucking see as there was a river of sweat running directly into my eyes.

I can confirm that the ‘too small sports bra’ sadly did not end up sufficing – something must be done about that as my boobs were making a bid for freedom – attempting to detach themselves from my body and run away screaming.

Yesterday, in a bid to save my sanity, (whilst Dan fucked off to run 10k with his magical pool of energy {twat}), I took the girls to soft play where there was an incident involving a bowl of cheesy chips – I may as well have crammed crisps into my face whilst prancing around saying ‘Call me Bubbles Darling – everybody does’.

I’ve resolved to get back on it and plan better this week – Dan read somewhere that jam on toast is a good breakfast if you’re going to exercise so that’s what I had.

I went for an actual run this afternoon and needed to lay down and die afterwards.

Running for weight loss
Old ladies could’ve walked it quicker…

This is so hard! Next week’s weigh in better be less depressing.

Why is losing weight so hard?
Ready for death to take me

The only alternative is adopting a tape worm called Dennis.

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